I've Become So Numb
by lain.exe
Summary: My story...


Hm, okay. Let me clear some things up. For the longest time, people have called me Sango, yelling about how alike we were. Okay, so whatever. Maybe I was. It didn't really make a huge impact on my life. But something horrible recently happened to me, and I wanted to share my story. I thought about it, and I figured I should represent myself as Sango, and make this an Inuyasha A/U fic. It is in Sango's POV, so I can really explain how I felt. I don't own Inuyasha. But I do believe in fairies! I do, I do! (This is also a songfic, but the song won't come until a bit later. It will be Numb by Linkin Park) And I realize this isn't very Inuyasha-ish, and it's not very interesting. ._. I just needed to get some emotions out. ~~~~~  
  
Everyday I remember walking into that same building. The building that felt so warm and inviting to me, like I had known it for years. I remembered staring out the window in seventh grade, watching our new highschool rise from the dirt, everyday smiling at the progress made. Then finally, finally we could move in, stretch our limbs and spread out. It was ours; we were no longer crushed into that small library. We finally had a brand new highschool, ready for its first generation of students.  
I quickly grew into the building, now in 8th grade, I was the oldest grade in the Middle School. I felt stronger, more knowing, and even more loved. Everyday I could walk in, expecting to see friends. I met Kagome on the first day. She was so much prettier than me, long hair combed in inky black waves, and lovely blue eyes, that were always alive and shining. I suppose I was jealous for that, but she was still always there for me, and I loved her.  
Then my teacher, Ms. Lucas (I'm using my real teacher's name. She was amazing.) was always caring, and always there to talk to. I could be crying and she would take the time out of her day to talk to me, even for hours on end if needed. I knew she would always stand behind me, no matter what. I wasn't an A student, but I knew she wouldn't give up on me for that.  
For what seemed like years, I interacted with my class, always knowing I was loved. I was greeted by hugs and kind words from boys and girls alike, and I was friends with everyone I could get at all close to. I loved talking with people, and being silly, however I didn't love schoolwork. It was rare for me to come in everyday with all of my homework, as I would always forget something or another. I didn't worry about it too much. It was as if I thought heaven would never go away, and I would always be in that safe little caccoon of the school.  
I suppose I was wrong. I was put on probation. They told me I was to be a good little girl for the next six weeks or I was gone. My three closest friends, Kagome, Inuyasha, and Miroku were terrified, they didn't want this to happen. I didn't either.  
In a sense, I knew it was my fault, but it also wasn't fair. Naraku, our headmaster had a heart of stone, he didn't care for his students, and he loved seeing them in pain. His family ran the school, so he had ultimate power over my fate. He liked things to be easy for him, and only wanted the best for himself and his image. He lied to parents, saying he could handle any child, and taking all in. However, when it got too hard for him, when he realized the student was different from him in any way, he would send them right out the door.  
They had never been able to handle me, I was too different for them. They tried so hard to turn me into clay and mold me into this perfect student, yet everytime the clay would fall and the image of perfection would become distorted. So I tried, I tried to be the best I could. I felt good about the six weeks; I felt accomplished. Judgement day then passed with nothing to say. It was almost as if the probhation was forgotten, and I was to go back to working normally. So I did.  
I went along with my normal life for the next week or so, usually happy and always wanting to be around friends. But then, like a bomb, it hit. I walked out of school, happy and feeling like I had a good day. I sat down in the car with a smile on my face, but looked over to see my mom crying. She told me that they had called her in and told her I was to leave at the end of December. She told me that all the tears she cried were for me, and she wasn't angry like a normal parent would be. She wasn't angry at me at least. All her anger was directed towards Naraku and his cruelty.  
Even though my mother had already shed so many tears on my behalf, I broke down. I sobbed, screaming that they didn't give a damn. My mother could do nothing but cry with me. I felt the pain sink in slowly, the pain of rejection and fear. I never believed it would really happen. I told my dearest friends, and they to felt the pain. Miroku tried grabbing my ass to make me hit him and act like myself again. Inuyasha called me a baby and told me to suck it up, but he couldn't keep that tough attitude for long. Kagome just stood by my side, knowing the pain I felt. All I wanted then was for Naraku to suffer, and feel the white hot pain that I felt every day.  
  
[I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
  
Don't know what you're expecting of me  
  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)]  
I wasn't him. I wasn't at all like him. That's what made him mad, that I wasn't walking in his 'perfect' footsteps. He acted as if he had never made a single mistake in his life, as if he would have rather died than have been imperfect. ...He was twisted. I could tell. He was sick, twisted, screwed up. You could see it in his eyes. He had this sort of lust to see pain, and would do anything to see someone hurt. I felt such hatred towards him, and I could never concentrate on anything. My eyes were always clouded with anger, and filled with tears that refused to fall without a fight. [I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you]  
Everytime I passed him I had to hold myself back from screaming. I wanted to rip at the edges of his soul, wanted to make him suffer so much that he could no longer bear it. I wanted to die, I wanted... [Can't you see that you're smothering me  
  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control  
  
Cause everything that you thought I would be  
  
Has fallen apart right in front of you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
  
And every second I waste is more than I can take]  
The month passed so slowly, and it still hadn't sunk in that I was really leaving. I cherished my time with my friends, knowing that every day was a step closer to the end. Sometimes I would just hug Miroku, and never want to let go. He was such a good friend, and so comforting. But I knew...I knew that the more I get caught up in my sadness, the harder it would be to let go. [I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you]  
The chilly month was drawing to a dark close, and my feet would no longer carry me. I would trudge through the halls with a heavy heart and tear-filled eyes, taking in every smell, every sight, everything I could remember. I sealed it all inside myself, never wanting to let go of the warmth. I could still feel him watching me, feel Naraku staring with that cruel grin that was born from seeing pain. He was so heartless, I couldn't believe it. Everyday seeing my tears was like a carnival for him, knowing that the end came closer and closer. [And I know  
  
I may end up failing too  
  
But I know  
  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you]  
On the last day, I walked in, smiling wearily at students celebrating the winter holidays. Happiness embraced me as I gave and received gifts, spending treasured time with my dear friends. Yet it still lingered in the back of my mind like a thick fog, that anger. [I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
I've become so tired so much more aware  
  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
  
Is be more like me and be less like you]  
When the ribbons and paper had been cleaned up, and people were bidding their farewells for the holidays, I reached up to my locker. I pulled open the familiar wooden door, gazing into the mess that had always filled that space. Slowly I pulled down all my papers and books and dumped them in the cardboard box at my feet. I carefully pulled down the pictures from the door, placing them in as well. Tears filled my eyes once again as I heaved the box up and dropped it out by the door. There was one last thing to do.  
I approached Naraku's office, walking in hesitantly. He smiled and nodded to me, a gesture to say whatever I was going to say. So I took a deep breath and looked at him. "Thank you for the half of the year that you gave me," I said, feeling tears rise into my eyes. "I hope that no other student has to feel the pain and rejection I did before the holidays," I continued, tears now flowing from my eyes freely. "Merry Christmas."  
The whole time, he just smiled that same cruel smile, replying with a simple, "It is merry, isn't it?" I scoffed, and left, never to return. I cried so much that day, and I still cry. But now...a new story unfolds, another door has been opened. [I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
Tired of being what you want me to be  
  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
  
Tired of being what you want me to be] 


End file.
